Reflections

Well, it’s safe to say I am not the worlds most consistent blogger!

With that, I thought I’d do one more post as I begin to wrap up my time here in Thailand.  I leave Lat Krabang a month from today and it has me reflecting on a lot.  But first, I’ll provide you with a bit of a recap from where I left off. 

December was no less busy than November.  I headed to Singapore with my friend Kelsey for a long weekend.  Singapore was quite simply, amazing.  It was decked out to the nines with Christmas decorations, carolers, and all things holiday.  We spent our first evening at the top of this amazing hotel toasting to an incredible sunset view of the city.  We walked through the botanical gardens, Gardens by the Bay, strolled the streets of Little India, ate amazing food, and saw the most incredible light/water show (seriously, I may have teared up…this is me we are talking about!). 

The following weekend, the girls and I headed to Kanchanaburi.  We were going to try and take the local train up there but ran into a snafu (seats sold out 😐). Instead, we grabbed an early morning van and got up there early enough to explore the JEATH War Museum, see the train come and go over the Bridge Over River Kwai, and then make it back to Bangkok in time to enjoy our version of an early Christmas Dinner together….Mexican food😊

For Christmas, I flew down south to Trang to visit Kelsey where she has been living. Although it was difficult being gone for the holidays, we made the best of it.  We enjoyed a lazy day exploring Trang.  It was so fun to see where she worked, meet some of her co-workers, and go to some of her local favorites. Christmas Eve we spent island hopping.  It was such a relaxing day out on the boat going from island to island, snorkeling, and enjoying the views.  On Christmas we enjoyed a leisurely breakfast at her friend’s restaurant before I headed back to the airport.

We had a four-day weekend over NYE, so I met Kelsey and Sarah in Georgetown, Malaysia.  It was the perfect way to ring in the New Year.  We spent our time checking out all the amazing street art, going to the Upside-Down Museum, and just being tourists in a new place.  On NYE we grabbed drinks from 7-11 and headed to the park overlooking the water to watch the fireworks go off as midnight struck.  It was beautiful. 

In January, I headed back to English camp one weekend.  As always, it proved to be both entertaining and exhausting.  The kids had a ball though putting on short skits, a fashion show, and what ended up being a dance-off.  Us teachers even got together to put on a short lip sync battle and the kids couldn’t get enough of it. 

In mid-January, I met Kelsey and Robyn back in Krabi.  We were determined to repeat this trip, as it was monsoon season when we first went and rained the entire time.  Krabi was beautiful.  I spent the day relaxing at Railay Beach with Kelsey while Robyn did an island-hopping tour.  I am so glad that we were able to make it back there and see the picturesque waters and enjoy a day doing nothing but relaxing at the beach. 

In February, I headed back up north to Chiang Mai.  We did a day tour up to Chiang Rai and saw the White Temple and headed to the Golden Triangle (where Thailand, Myanmar, and Laos meet).  It was a busy weekend from start to finish but so worth the trip. 

So, I kept myself quite busy exploring South East Asia for the past few months! All the while, teaching during the week.  When school started back in November, I made some adjustments to my teaching approach and the semester seemed to go much more smoothly.  I don’t know if it is because of changes I made, me gaining confidence in what I was doing, or the kids getting used to me, but this semester felt much better than my first.  Don’t get me wrong, I still ran into many of the same struggles I had first semester: students not listening/participating, coming in 15, 20, 25 minutes late, classes being shortened or completely cancelled. I broke up one fist fight, confiscated countless cell phones, asked kids not to skateboard/roller skate in class, and asked them to please not throw bottles of open water on one another.  I also laughed harder during many of these moments than I have in ages, was able to sit and chat with students who did in fact finish their work and was reminded time and again that no matter how hard it can be to try and command the attention of 55 teenagers, it was well worth it. Worth every moment of it. 

Now, here we are, March 1^st.  School has wrapped up.  Grades have been submitted.  And I just paid my last months rent.  There is no way to truly describe what this last year has meant to me, how it has transformed me.  The friends I have made.  The experiences I have had.  The time I have had…to do some of the things I have always wanted to do but for years told myself I did not have time for. 

Coming here allowed me the space and time to grieve.  And then give myself permission to really live again.  Grief is a tricky thing.  There are moments of intense, soul crushing sadness.  Followed by moments of anger that made me feel like my skin was boiling, wanting to crawl out of my skin.  There are feelings of guilt, confusion, anxiety…feeling sometimes that life can be so cruel and utterly unfair.  On the flip side, and fueling my confusion, were moments of such intense joy and connection that I cannot even begin to describe.

Everyone feels and experiences grief in their own way.  Processes it in their own way.  Coming to Thailand was my way.  I hit the “pause button” so to speak, on many aspects of my life, to come here and truly deal with so many of the feelings that I needed to process through.  And here I am, just about a year later.  I’d give anything to have my best friend back in her physical form, but one of my greatest takeaways from being here, is that she is always with me.  In every sunrise and sunset, in every adventure.  There is a connection I feel.  It is my belief that in losing her physical form, she was set free. She is limitless.  She is simultaneously with her boys, her sister, her nephew, me, all her friends, family both living and passed.  So, it may have taken me moving half way around the world to realize that she’s always been with me, but I think that was also always part of the plan. Whether I knew it or not. Because during that time, I have created more lifelong friendships and had experiences that I have always wanted, but never gave myself the permission to pursue.  And while I know grief is not linear, and I will always miss Chom, at least now I have a "knowingness", if you will, that even in the hardest of moments, I can sit quietly and come back to that connection. 

In this next month, as I prepare to head home, I have a few more adventures planned.  This time solo.  My friends and I all have different working contracts that have us traveling and heading home at varying times.  So, this month, I’ll head to Bali for some serious rest and relaxation.  To Cambodia to see Angkor Wat.  And then I will pack up my bags, turn in my keys, and head home. To San Diego. To a fresh start. A new perspective. And such a profound sense of gratitude…for this life, and it’s many twists and turns, ups and downs. For my friends both old and new.  And for my family.  For loving me, believing me, and reminding me to never give up on my dreams. 

Thank you for joining me on this journey💗

Malaysia NYE 2017 

Love,

Elizabeth